She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
