I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
