I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
