Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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