you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
