Cold hands, warm shart.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Come on in and take your pants off
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