ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
