New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
