apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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