i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
