nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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