You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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