OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
not ubering you a puppy
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
