If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
