I bet he comes in French.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Randomize
