Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
