You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The power of my boobs compel you
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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