In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
