I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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