when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize