you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
