Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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