My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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