YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
