ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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