He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I need a beard to bite.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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