im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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