A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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