Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
