The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
