Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
