Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
