I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
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DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
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probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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