that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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