So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
