i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize