After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
