we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
