I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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