Dual....:-)
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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