I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize