Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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