I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
