remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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