you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
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While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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