Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
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She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
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As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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