smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?