I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
