headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.