I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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