she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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