Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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