How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
dude. I can hear the air.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
