While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
