So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
