Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
