You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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