I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Randomize
