Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
