I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
