I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
