well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
