You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
