That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
