Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I just found a frying pan...in my bed.

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  (410): I just found a frying pan...in my bed. http://tfl.nu/4wiq
  Replies (8) Good night (1550) Bad night (577)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!

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  (870): At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins! http://tfl.nu/8m62
  Replies (19) Good night (5894) Bad night (717)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.

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  (412): Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life. http://tfl.nu/15a6
  Replies (21) Good night (3674) Bad night (887)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line

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  (417): I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line http://tfl.nu/6dkx
  Replies (6) Good night (3592) Bad night (1559)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.

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  (832): Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse. http://tfl.nu/qyce
  Replies (4) Good night (895) Bad night (3055)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.

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  (403): Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms. http://tfl.nu/yg77
  Replies (2) Good night (2327) Bad night (1123)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.

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  (608): Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice. http://tfl.nu/it3i
  Replies (4) Good night (582) Bad night (1180)
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  (516): View more from New York

  People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.

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  (516): People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall. http://tfl.nu/80cl
  Replies (7) Good night (2114) Bad night (643)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.

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  (251): Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road. http://tfl.nu/x4ff
  Replies (3) Good night (714) Bad night (365)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.

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  (801): I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future. http://tfl.nu/z13j
  Replies (2) Good night (921) Bad night (326)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick

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  (508): He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick http://tfl.nu/aj8w
  Replies (6) Good night (695) Bad night (374)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.

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  (256): I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep. http://tfl.nu/krnz
  Replies (0) Good night (348) Bad night (300)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.

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  (614): A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away. http://tfl.nu/tggc
  Replies (5) Good night (251) Bad night (431)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween

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  (361): Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween http://tfl.nu/cv00
  Replies (4) Good night (429) Bad night (162)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?

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  (402): Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet? http://tfl.nu/47yu
  Replies (2) Good night (346) Bad night (458)

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