Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!