hotel room ftw
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize