we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in