Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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