do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
