1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them