actually, I'm a sock model
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
