Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
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She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
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I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.