awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday