Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation