Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
