I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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