Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
