i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
