All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
