He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
