And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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