Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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