I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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